Coping With an Addictive Personality
I have never been able to dip my toes into anything. Ever since I was young, whenever I got interested in something, there was never a “let me try a little bit of this and see how it goes”. It was always all in.
Learning computers. Computer games like Counter-Strike and Dota. Entrepreneurship. Brazilian Zouk. Now trading, AI, and building communities. Every single one of them, the same pattern. I get obsessed and sucked in, investing a mass amount of time and money into learning it, and genuinely enjoying the process of learning it.
The downside is burnout. And sometimes disconnecting from the people around me who sit outside of whatever I am buried in at the time.
The other downside is the daydreaming. My mind drifts off thinking about whatever I’m obsessed with, constantly, which is quite distracting. It makes things really hard to focus on when they are things I am not interested in.
There is an upside too. For each of these I obviously draw in a network of people who are just as obsessed as I am, and that lot becomes the inner circle. It’s one of the reasons why I have so many different circles of friends.
It Started Early
As a child I loved cartoons. I remember waking up at 6am to catch the early morning shows. There was one about how the inner body works, white blood cells, red blood cells, bacteria and viruses all having a scrap in there. Quite educational actually.
Then as a young teen it was Final Fantasy 7 and 8. Waking up at 5am to squeeze in a few more hours before the day got hold of me. 5am. For a game!
Nobody made me do any of that. Nobody ever had to. That’s the bit worth noticing.
Ten Years of Counter-Strike
From 16 to 26, I spent 10 years on Counter-Strike. We grew our clan into one of the prominent clans in the UK, competing nationwide. Practising and playing up to 5 hours a day after college, and 10+ hours on weekends.
Ten years. Of one game.
Then Dota (Defense of the Ancients) for about 5 years on top of that.
Somewhere in the middle of all that I also discovered alcohol and partying lol. Obviously extreme on those too. Smoked for 11 years. Tried some weed. Thankfully I never really got addicted to drugs much, other than the alcohol.
So no, it doesn’t only latch onto the good stuff. Same wiring, whatever happens to be in front of it.
Dance, Fishing, and Everything Since
By 28 came the dance world. Entered it, got obsessed, geeked out.
Around 38 I got into fishing, mainly lure fishing, and yeah, copious hours learning it, watching YouTube and reading blogs and articles about how to get better at it.
Now at 43 I am still dancing and still learning how to dance better, identifying what I am doing wrong or not quite right and what I can improve on. Practice, explore and experiment, refine, and document. And yes I still fish, I’m a member of my local fishing club, freshwater and sea, mainly targeting predator fish.
And the current one is building communities. I’ve done it before, and it turns out that’s my calling, because I’ve become really good at it. This time I’m taking it big. An MVP (minimum viable product) in London first, then scale it globally.
Same pattern. Different decade.
Turns Out My Brain Was Wired That Way
It’s only later in life that I realised the way my brain was wired at birth was ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). It’s not a disability, just for clarity lol, I am doing perfectly fine! But it does make you wonder, earlier in life, why you feel so different to the majority. (I wrote about the diagnosis itself and how I eventually learned to learn over here.)
This addictive personality won’t possibly change, since it’s just how I am wired. But learning to accept it made things much much easier mentally and emotionally.
Things I am not interested in, I don’t care for, and I will express it. Things I am interested in, expect 300% energy on it. I am a Duracell battery in a bunny haha.
What I Actually Do About It
I can’t rewire it, so I manage the energy and the time around it instead. I got better at this after burning myself out on AI last year, which is not an experience I want to repeat.
The biggest one is that I don’t do things I’m not interested in anymore. I just don’t do them. Everything goes into whatever I am obsessed with instead, and I try to be the best I can possibly be at it.
- I rotate the stuff I am obsessed with.
- I make time for fun and going out.
- I block time out in my calendar.
- I make time for myself.
- I take naps when I feel like it.
- I eat healthy.
- I try to exercise daily.
- I try to be honest with myself.
That last one is the hardest of the lot.
None of this is a cure and I’m not offering one. Some weeks I’m much better at it than others. But knowing the wiring, and stopping the fight against it, took a lot of weight off.
I do wonder what it’s like for others though. So if any of this sounds like you, I’d certainly love to know how it’s been for you.